I was walking around my neighborhood this morning and I think I finally had an epiphany, or at least an AHA moment.  I was simply enjoying the beauty of the moment I was living in.  I was looking at how many misplaced birds were walking around the neighborhood because their nests had been plowed down.  I was watching the wind blow, feeling the sun on my skin, enjoying the colors in the sky.  

I was fully appreciating everything that was in that moment.  I tried to keep holding onto this strange, zen like feeling I was experiencing, and that’s when I thought (because my mind rarely stops analyzing every single thing) that I was looking at the world through “rose colored glasses”.  I only saw everything in a beautiful light.

I am a worry wart by nature, as well as somewhat pessimistic and, of late, quite cynical.  I worried for years.  Will I get married?  Will I have a family?  Then I worried some more.  Will my kids get good grades?  Will they get into college?  Will I be able to afford college?  I realized I’d been going through life, perpetually preoccupied with these questions.  Will I have enough money to retire?  Will I have my health?

I also realized my childlike awe and naiveness had been abandoned after being told numerous life changing lies .  I hate lies.  Trust had all but vanished from my personality.  I second guessed everybody and everything.  I didn’t like that feeling one bit.  I don’t like the word cynic being used as an adjective to describe me.  Maybe I am guarded, but I have good reason to be.  However, this morning, I just decided to let it go.  Let it all go.  I believe the time has come for me to trust in my journey.

I don’t have control over any of the biggies that control any of us.  I don’t know if the stock market is going to crash, or if and when there will be another terrorist attack, or a recession or a depression.  I do have control over how I choose to live my life, and that in itself, is a gargantuan gift.   I am going to try to relax all of the cells in me that have been so uptight for so long.  I am actually going to try to flow with the energy that surrounds me.  I want to trust that energy.  Fortunately, so far, it has been good to me.  Even during the dark times when I had to grope my way through them so I could come out the other side a stronger person.

I admit I am the ultimate Type A personality.  I can feel my jaw clenching as I’m writing this.  I can feel tension in my fingers as they are typing at the keyboard.  This is going to be a huge challenge for me.  I truly know that I was born uptight.  I actually chewed my lip inside the womb. Who does that?  I want it to stop.  Ah, to truly live in the moment, and view life through rose colored glasses.  It sounds like bliss to me.